I haven’t sat down to write anything for almost a month. And frankly, I’ve been stuck thinking about what and why I should write. I won’t say this has coincided with a crisis, because that implies something bad, but it has coincided with a period of time we’re I’ve been particularly pensive and really questioned a lot of what I believe. When I say what I believe I’m not talking about my faith in Christ, as that is something that transcends belief beyond anything that could be understood naturally, but more so what I believe about certain interpretations of key scriptures and the question of what I’m called to do in my life as a disciple of Jesus.
Perhaps I can start with that last point about questioning beliefs. I’ve lived most of my life according to the philosophical idea that ones beliefs should be strong convictions, loosely held. What this means is that when you hold an idea about something, you should be well researched and confident so that you can hold that belief with a strong conviction, but you should not fall in love with that idea to the point where you disregard any subsequent opposing evidence that would logically force you to change your position. As an example from my pre-faith life, I held a belief in early 2020 that property prices would skyrocket much higher despite a consensus opinion that they would fall. I was extremely well researched on the topic, I knew most of the key factors at play and I had such strong conviction that we owned two houses with leverage and I wanted to buy another. Yet less than two years later, once I realised I was wrong on one key assumption I flipped my loosely held position entirely, selling both houses. Whether I was right or wrong with either position (only time will tell on the second) is unimportant, but the point to stress is that this decision making philosophy has led me to completely flip on seemingly concrete positions time and time again throughout my life. It’s led to a nickname from some of my closest people who have called me the ‘phase man’. With this in mind, it would make sense that perhaps Christianity is just another fleeting phase in my life and yet that just aint’ so. Other believers get this, but non-believers don’t - when you come to accept Jesus as Christ, there is not just a belief but a knowing that is unlike anything else I have ever experienced in my life. I don’t believe that Jesus did all that is written in the Gospels, I know He did. There’s not many things in this world that we can know for sure - we have many 99.9% knowings, but very few 100%’s, if any. I would have thought there are some 100% knowings, but I was discussing this recently with a good friend and he told me that he’s only 99.9% sure that his mother is actually his mother. Maybe it’s a lifetime of realising our infallibility that leads most of mankind to the acceptance that they can never really know anything for sure. So here am I, a notorious phase man who has lived a life full of 80% knowings, now 100% certain that Jesus Christ is Lord, Saviour and Creator of all things on Heaven and Earth. How I can be 100% is easily explained by the fact that the Holy Spirit now dwells in me. Believers read that last comment and nod their heads with a big ahu, non-believers read it and wonder what on earth I’m talking about. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians explains this phenomenon - But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned (1 Cor 2:14).
I’m in this world, but not of this world (Joh. 17) and I’ve gotten very used to being a loner on this earth now. Apart from one cousin, there’s not a single person in my entire network of friends and family who believes in Christ. Not one! And of all of them, there’s maybe two or three who have shown any interest in my faith to the extent where they ask me questions with a genuine desire to understand the answers. Of all the elements of my new life born again in Christ, this has been the most difficult to contend with. It’s not difficult because I want to be able to fit in and conform, nor because I want people to accept my faith (truth be told I couldn’t care less), but it’s difficult because I now know what’s at stake to reject God and yet all these people who I love the most couldn’t care in the slightest. My feeling is that everyone isn’t responding this way because they think I’ve gone mad, they’re doing it because deep down they don’t want to consider the possibility that what I am proclaiming is true. The world might claim they love Jesus, but deep down they hate Him, because He came into the world to testify that they are evil (Joh. 7:7). I don’t say this in judgement, nor do I say it from a high horse of righteousness - a believer in Christ got to their position because they realised their works are totally unrighteous, so woe to me if I am going to position myself as more righteous than another!
I’ve got one friend, a non-believer, who I talk to about my faith and is one of the few who will ask genuine questions. This friend is a nice guy, he’s a gentle soul, but he’s imperfect in every single way that the world likes to define perfection - he’s often in trouble, has battled various addiction and vices, and by all the usual definitions just can’t seem to get his life on track. But he made the comment to me once that he knows he’s a sinner. On the other hand, most others will use whatever moral code they want to design, twist and manipulate to explain why they are not a sinner. To be honest I’m pretty tired of listening to self-righteous people talk about why they’re not sinners. God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble (Jam. 4:6). Christ told the world their ways were wicked, then died on the cross so that we all may be cleansed with His blood, but people don’t want to accept that. They prefer the self help books, eastern mysticism, or knowledge falsely so called (1 Tim 6:20) that allows them to live out their lives believing in false righteousness without ever accepting the wickedness in their own heart. So truth be told, I’m becoming less interested in trying to bring most of my family and friends to faith - by now they should all know I’m a believer and they can witness the impact of Christ in me, so whoever hath ears to hear, let him hear (Mat. 13:9) but I’ve come to terms with accepting most people won’t. Something inside me is desiring to spend a lot more time among the sinners - the outcasts of society who may have realised that the world is a system of lies, but may not know about (or have been deceived about) the redemption available through Christ Jesus. How I go about this I’m still not sure - I might even just put some posters up calling for the outcasts who want to find a better truth than the lie they’ve been told!
I’ve also really changed my thoughts on why I write this blog and who my audience is - initially it was somewhat of a focus on sharing my journey to faith using logic, but I’ve since realised that’s futile. If someone genuinely wants to know if Jesus is the truth, they can close their eyes and ask ‘God, I don’t know if you’re there or not, but if you are then I truly want to know you’. Seek and ye shall find (Luk. 11:9) - the Creator of all things on heaven and earth will make Himself known to you. So I’m clearly not here to bring people to faith with logic. The other challenge is that my strong convictions, loosely held philosophy still applies for most of my theology and Bible study. I can hold a position on a key verse, but then through further prayer or study I can change that position and the flow on effects in subsequent verses can be significant. I recently changed my position on who is being described in Daniel 9:27 - this seemingly simple shift has led to a complete change on my entire views of eschatology. This change means my entire post on the end times is now obsolete and this troubles me, because people have read that content and perhaps been influenced on their own positions. The Lord is very clear on what He thinks of false teachers, so to risk bring guilty of that myself is something I want to avoid in all circumstances and I’ve been considering whether I should stop publishing content entirely. But I am going to continue, and I’m going to continue to make the point that I’ve made before that the truth is in the Scriptures, not my words - so take everything I write with a grain of salt and seek it out yourselves if there is anything that I say which might trigger an interest. I think I am going to write in a style that’s more like a journal, where I write about what I’m feeling and thinking as an open book. Writing about these challenging topics help me decipher them myself, but I hope that journalling the through process might also benefit readers at times too. I know that God uses man to execute His will, so I’ll leave it to Him to put whatever of my words in front of whoever He desires to see them.
As I start to treat this blog more like a journal, I’ll be less worried about sanitising things that I write about in an effort to try and be more desirable to readers. I’m just going to speak about things as I see them and if people want to unsubscribe or zone out then so be it. Things on my mind at the moment include questions relating to the Scriptures like how the Giants who lived on the earth in Genesis 6 impacts the rest of the Biblical story, how Revelation feels like it is pointing to the Roman Catholic Church as Mystery Babylon with its Popes as the Antichrist Beast, whether most of Revelation has actually been fulfilled with only a few events still to come, how the Israelites of today are the same people Steven spoke about who worship the star of their god Remphan (Acts 7:43) before they stoned him to death. Then questions on the world around me like how the Jesuits might be the false prophets of Revelation who have gone about deceiving the whole world with various narratives that dominate most peoples world views without them even realising it, whether we live on a flat earth or a geocentric globe, and how aliens and UFOs are just a fake narrative to deceive people into thinking that demons are not real, and how new agers have correctly identified that we live in a spiritual world but believe in the lies of the evil spirits who feed them whatever they need to hear so they can keep being their own gods. But until I pen my next journal, on whatever topic that might be, may the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost, be with you all.
I tell freinds and family that as the Spirit leads me in the Word, that my "Theology" may be effected as it has already done over the years of reading His Word. Jesus is Lord, that won't change, but my "Theology" can and has to this point. Continue to grow on this journey brother. TGBTG
I like the new direction your blog is heading in. Matthew 9: 10-13 "While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’[a] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”